to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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