I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
