Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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