i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
