i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
