I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
there is glitter all over my balls
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
