that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
