i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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