I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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