Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
