I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
