we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
