Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
