you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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