You smell like stripper and shame
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
