..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
