i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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