found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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