I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
