Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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