I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I need water and some morals
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
