We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
