is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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