do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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