Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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