Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
