I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
