the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
