Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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