I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
