TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
