Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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