just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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