you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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