In the future we'll all be gay
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
