its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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