I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
