I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
