lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
