I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
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