i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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