What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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