I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
