Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
