Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
is wine microwaveable?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
