fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
