One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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