dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
