Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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