Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
