I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I love you.
Bad choice
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