After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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