I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
