he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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