I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
